The answer’s pretty simple. Yearning in-person, as security-inducing as it may feel to the lot of women that are routinely revisited by patterns of uncertain men, realistically speaking, kills the fantasy. It leaves very little to the imagination. When desire is hidden, we get to imagine its intensity without having to deal with the vulnerability, expectations or awkwardness that come with someone actually wanting us – especially as desperately as yearning entails. And let’s not even get into the dopamine-dosing that comes with uncertainty, never mind how toxic it’s truly become into today’s dating scene: Does he like me? Does he hate me? Why does he keep looking at me? Ambiguity creates a gap, and the brain is remarkably good at filling gaps with whatever story it finds most compelling. Think of it this way, our imagination embellishes a man that secretly pines for us – we can impose, in our minds, whatever fantasy we wish, on the image we hold of him. He doesn’t even need to be yearning in reality – it’s enough for us to build that narrative. But a real man, let alone one that’s desperately confessing his feelings for you, is real. All too real. This man is not just confessing his feelings, but also his needs, flaws and expectations. Becoming exposed to a yearning of that intensity, can also translate into feeling like pressure.
